Consultant, Strategist, and Writer
25 Ways You Know You’re From Toronto
1. There isn’t a night that goes by where you don’t want to scream out the window at the obnoxious horn battle between at least three trigger happy people in their cars. Also: screaming/obnoxious drunks that accumulate outside your window religiously after last call.
2. Silence is terrifying. Not hearing cars and people talking or walking around outside is incredibly unsettling. This usually only happens if you wake up after all the stores and bars have closed, around 5am. It only lasts a few hours but its awful.
3. You don’t need to worry about ever using your phone as a flashlight to find things because the lights that pierce through your window from the street always leave your room bright enough to see everything.
4. You’ve sat on a sketchy rooftop in the summer drinking and taken the city in and genuinely been surprised at how far out all the jam packed houses stretch. Also: The CN tower is a comforting beacon that you are home.
5. Going to the island always sounds like a good idea but is an exhausting all day trek and getting back is always a bitch (especially when you’re all drunk).
6. You can’t meet someone new without having at least 10 acquaintances in common.
7. The dollar store has everything. It also smells like/is filled with junkies. Except for the new one on Spadina. Probably due to it’s Condoland proximity. Yours isn’t so lucky.
8. Despite people making fun of the price of food in the city, everyone you know eats healthier and puts more effort into their meals than your suburban counterparts. Try explaining what almond milk is to your relatives or if you want bonus points try to actually FIND some anywhere outside the city.
9. You’ve grown so accustom to wearing and looking anyway you want without someone blinking an eye that your skin crawls when you leave the city and people ask why you put so much effort into dressing up. As if you didn’t just throw it on without a seconds thought.
10. You’re shocked when you find out someone can drive or has a license that isn’t expired.
11. You’ve moved apartments in as much as a van taxi.
12. Distance is described by way of streets/landmarks. “It’s not far at all, it’s like Kensington to Dunbat.” “Oh my god I just walked from Honest Eds to Parkdale in the summer heat and I think I’m going to die” and so on. Everyone knows how long it takes to walk to bloor from college (a goddamn trek) vs college to queen.
13. There isn’t much reason to go to the east side of the city. Ever. Unless it’s summer and you’re going to cherry beach.
14. You’re not phased by walking past movie sets/fashion shoots/award shows (I’m looking at you MMVAs.. you damn nightmare). You’re more annoyed that they’re making it difficult to get around or clogging up the area with tourists who don’t know how to use garbage cans or sidewalks.
15. You know there is no such thing as relying on a streetcar to be on time. It is understood that you have to watch at least three pass in the direction you aren’t going before the one you need will show up.
16. You’re overjoyed when a streetcar shows up and doesn’t break down or short turn without any real notice mid way thru your ride.
17. Everything is under construction, always.
18. Despite living in a city of 2 million plus people you will always run into at least one person you know unintentionally. No matter how small the errand.
19. You know you can go to Bellewoods in the summer and someone or a group of people you know will already be there drinking.
21. You’re angry when you’re out of town and there isn’t a decent craft beer or cider selection. Do people actually choose to drink things like Labatt Blue or light beers?
22. You’ve almost been run over by some crazy idiot on a bike. You receive a text from a friend a few minutes later. He was that idiot on the bike.
23. You don’t even flinch or notice when that jesus dude or homeless people scream or act irrationally in public. (Remember when he got really quiet and wasn’t screaming at people for a while? That was weird).
24. You’ve lived above at least one bar or store.
